Moving Forward and Coping

Thank you very much to all of you who have got in touch personally or through social media asking why I have not posted anything on my blog recently.  Some of you have asked for my Diwali recipes too.    Writing this Post is hard for me.  Thanks to my sons for encouraging me to move forward and write this Post.   There is no easy way of saying this – I lost my husband, my life partner, in June and with that I lost everything – my motivation, my confidence and my inspiration.

In his memory:

My husband was a great foodie and always liked to find new recipes for me to try.  He loved my cooking and during COVID – we spent so much time together,  in the kitchen cooking new dishes. He even inspired me to teach Cookery online using Zoom.  He took care of the IT and gave me the confidence to start teaching online. Both of us helped each other cope with lockdown when we could only meet family over Zoom.  We got really close.

 

Celebrating Father’s Day on Zoom during Covid was the hardest for us but I am so glad that we did meet online too as it gave us a time to talk about so many things.  Something our generation will never forget in this lifetime.

He did all my online shopping for me and became an expert at getting unusual fruit, vegetables and snacks.  I can still see him laughing and smiling when I would be looking excited when opening all the shopping he had ordered.  His memories are everywhere, The scent of his aftershave and perfume still linger in the air in his room.

What can I do to overcome this sadness?

I am still angry with everyone at the moment including god.  I am finding it hard to accept this loss but I know that I have to move forward so that my children and immediate family can continue with their life without having to worry about me.

Coping with cooking for myself:

Cooking for myself was hard but my son had arranged for the Mindful Chef boxes for us and he encouraged me to cook as he was still at home with me.  I found the recipes really quick and easy to cook.  It got me interested in the new recipes and kept us fed too during the heatwave.  No matter how upset we are we all need to eat.  So watch out for my new cooking for one recipes which I will start sharing with you soon.

Coping with grief during celebrations like Birthdays, Diwali, Christmas etc.

Coping with any celebration has been hard but my family, especially my sons, have made sure that I celebrate with them without feeling pressurised.

Coping :

If any of you are going through bereavement, please let in touch if you wish to chat over a cup of tea and biscuits or just online.  I am not an expert but I found that talking to people in similar situations helped me cope. It’s okay to be sad some days and happy some days. We have to move forward but it doesn’t mean we have moved on from grief.  It takes time as we never forget our loved ones. Just have to learn to take care of ourselves.

Thank god for hobbies:

Going to the Gym and training with a Personal Trainer really helped with my Mental Health. Keeping fit has also been very important to me.

Thankfully, my passion for teaching Indian Cookery came to the rescue. I am running several Saturday Cookery workshops  in October and November which are all fully booked so far.  I will be sharing photos of my classes on Facebook so look out for them and leave me some motivational comments. Here are some pictures from yesterday’s workshop.

 

Looking forward:

To end on a positive note- Lets all look forward to Diwali which is less than a month away.  Whilst I am nervous about celebrating Diwali without my husband, I realise that I need to continue the tradition for my sons. I need them to be able to have good memories to remember their dad by and create some new memories too.  I am hoping to start my Diwali cooking by making all his favourite dishes in small proportions.  So what dish should I start with?  Like most of us Gujaratis  – it’s got to be Chevdo.  No Diwali is complete without homemade Kenyan style chevdo.   My easy to follow recipe should certainly help me and you too.  Don’t get overwhelmed by this  recipe or any Diwali recipe.  Just  plan ahead by cooking one item at a time and store it correctly.

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In coming weeks, I will be sharing more of my Diwali recipes as well as some quick and easy recipes which helped me to remain healthy during the time cooking was a chore for me.

Thank you all for being there for me when I need you all the most. Please continue to follow my journey.

Those we love never leave us – they walk beside us everyday.  Unheard but always near still loved and still missed.

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you’ll learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross